diff --git a/site/posts/2019-03-11-The-void.md b/site/posts/2019-03-11-The-void.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c5e197c --- /dev/null +++ b/site/posts/2019-03-11-The-void.md @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +--- +title: The void +author: nek0 +tags: english +description: What happened in the last half year +--- + +Hello folks. I am deeply sorry for not updating my blog for this long. + +As some of you might know, I struggle with depression. The last few months have +been very hard for me, as my illness gets more active and unpredictable due to +stress. And I feel more and more like I'm losing ground. Things I enjoyed doing +in the past don't appeal to me anymore. I have trouble maintaining my sleep +schedule. Everyday tasks are harder and harder to make and my thoughts venture +more and more into darker places. These all and more are warning signs for a +very serious depressive episode. + +It feels like nothing really changes. Every time I'm in clinical treatment, most +recently in november, new problems become visible, but none of my complications +ever get resolved. I'm on medication, which messes with my brain and has tons of +side effects and yet it only keeps me barely functioning. + +I feel like a burden. Both socially on my friends and family but also on society +as a whole. I don't dare to speak to my friends too much anymore, to not drag +them down. Everyone has enough of his own problems. And somehow everyone gets +his or her things done, except for me. I am useless.